Look,
I know it’s wrong,
And I try to stop,
I really do,
But sometimes it’s so hard.

I mean,
Even when I do stop,
I just fall off the wagon
Go back to what I was before,
To where I was before,
And who really wants that?

But,
Then again,
The feel of her skin,
The taste of her body,
The look of her,
So still,
Eyes closed,
It’s beautiful.

Stop.

Okay,
So I can’t help myself,
I’m addicted to that feeling,
That feeling of control when I’m around her,
It’s empowering,
And at the same time humbling,
Because the feeling’s only there,
If she is as well.

And,
Then I go back to her,
I touch her,
I look at her all over,
I let my body warm hers,
Everything is so good.

Don’t.
Not again.

Alone,
I’m all alone,
No one can understand the way I feel,
If I told them,
They’d just laugh at me,
Or ridicule me,
Or beat me.
…
Or kill me.

Wait,
Let me try again,
I’ll be better this time,
I won’t stop,
No matter what.
No more reminiscing,
No more thinking back,
Just you and me and him.
That’s all.

Stupidity,
That’s what I am,
I let someone know,
I let someone inside,
And they sold me out.
I thought I could trust you.
I thought you would help me,
Maybe even join me,
But no,
You told everyone,
And now I can’t see her again.

Unless,
I go back there,
Before they get her,
I get there,
And then we can be together forever,
Her touch and mine,
My touch and hers.
It would be perfect.

No!
Stop it.
I can’t be like that here.

Fine,
I’ll tell you what you want to know,
I’ll tell you everything,
Even the things you haven’t thought of,
About how perfect she was,
In everyway,
How I was the only one who understood her,
How no one made me feel the way she did,
How I couldn’t bare to lose her,
Ever.

Listen,
I’ll tell you everything about that night,
About how she held me tight,
About how her body thrashed,
And how she cut me,
Bite me,
Tried to hold on,
But couldn’t.

Hey!
I’ll tell you all about her,
About how this was what she would have wanted,
About how we were going to be together forever,
About how we were going to build a life together,
A family together,
But how it was all blown apart.

Please,
Don’t judge me,
I couldn’t help myself,
She was too perfect,
I knew it couldn’t last,
But I couldn’t let her go,
I couldn’t let them cut her open,
I couldn’t let them pull out her organs,
I couldn’t let them put her in the ground.
She wasn’t ready for that.
I wasn’t ready for that.

Maybe,
Maybe you could help me out,
Let me see her again,
Just for a little while,
A little dim lighting,
Some incense,
Maybe a sonata playing in the background,
Just one more night with her,
If you promise me that,
Maybe I’ll tell you where she is.

Damn.
Damn it,
Stop.
I’m not like that.

Well,
I guess that’s everything,
Not much else to say…
What?
You want to know about how I did it?
That was easy.
I hung her upside down,
Made sure that she was comfortable,
And I let her bleed out.
Then I filled her with formaldehyde,
Just the right amount,
So she was still supple,
And that was it.
She was mine again,
This time forever.

Leave,
Either bring her here or leave me be,
Because I won’t let you,
I won’t lead you to her,
You’ll just take her away from me,
Dress her up in things she’d never wear,
Do her makeup,
Her hair,
Then put her in the ground,
And no one will ever see her again.
I won’t let that happen,
Even if I never get out of this hole,
Even if I never get to see her again,
I won’t sell her out to you.

Bastard.
Why do you make me do this?
Why do you make me do these things,
Make me ruin the perfect life I had,
Make me try to hide from everyone?

Pain.
That’s all you ever bring me,
Pain and sorrow.
Why won’t you let me go?
Why do you keep me here?
Can’t you see we were perfect together?
Is that so hard to believe?

Sure,
We had our problems,
But those had come and gone,
Now we were better than any other couple.
There were no fights,
There was no drama,
It was love,
Pure and simple.

There?
I’m going back there?
Back to those murderers,
Those rapists and crazies?
Why?
Just because I won’t let you put her in the ground?
But I can’t do that to her!
I can’t let you desecrate her,
I just can’t.

Really?
You promise me you won’t hurt her?
You’ll let me see her if I lead you to her?
And you won’t put her in the ground?
I suppose…
I’ll tell you.
But you better promise me.
I couldn’t bare to think of what those barbarians would do to her.
I can’t imagine it.
It brings me too much pain.